I’m probably single because I’ll never love a man as much as I love food.

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It’s true, I don’t think I have the capacity to worry about a man as much as I worry about when breakfast, lunch and dinner will be consumed. Most call it fat, I call it primal.

I’m pretty inconsistent. With everything. A procrastinator to (nearly) a fault; a fine example of everything you shouldn’t do when “planning ahead”. Which is why I have yet to make another post since my first “oh-so-exciting” introduction. So on that note, here goes post numero dos:

Tex Mex is where it’s at. If you haven’t discovered the amazingness of limes, cilantro and avocados, then make this recipe and your life will be changed. I promise. I’m actually willing to put 4 quarters on it (laundry money). I found this recipe on Pinterest–shocking I know–AND have made it twice since and will only continue to make and love it more if that’s even possible. My first stab at the recipe yielded much sexier results than the second, but that will happen when you put the pressure of impressing others on your attempts to recreate a masterpiece. Here’s the link to the recipe. For those of you who are too lazy to click that and read (I’m only saying this because that’s what I would do), here’s the recipe:

  • 2 15-ounce cans black beans, rinsed and drained
  • 3 ears fresh cooked corn, kernels cut off the cob
  • 2 red bell peppers, diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2 tablespoons minced shallots, from one medium shallot
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 9 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, best quality such as Colavita
  • 1 teaspoon lime zest (be sure to zest limes before juicing them)
  • 6 tablespoons fresh lime juice
  • 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro, plus more for garnish
  • 2 Hass avocados, chopped

First response to reading that recipe?

EFF THE EARS OF CORN. SERIOUSLY NO. Which is okay, because canned sweet corn is delicious and works marvelously; just make sure you don’t accidentally purchase canned sweet creamed corn. It’s a slippery slope in the canned vegetable aisle if you don’t pay close attention.

Now I will entertain you with my amateur suggestions for this already simple recipe…

  1. This is a given for most people as they usually have strategies for cutting onions but I lack common sense so…. run water while cutting the tiny, mean shallots. They will make you cry, possibly even blubber.
  2. The avocados work best if you cut them a day before you would eat them. That way, they maintain their beautiful, supple shape and don’t make your pretty salad look like a nasty black bean porridge.
  3. You don’t need a juicer for limes. All you need is a fork. Cut’em in half and stab the fork in the middle and twist while you squeeze the juice out of them. (DISCLAIMER: You will feel strong and powerful doing this.)
  4. Nice olive oil is probably nice. But cheap works just fine and still adds that highly addictive quality to the mix.
  5. Prepare to taste test a lot. Quality control is key. And by that I mean it’s an excuse to eat a bunch of it right away purposefully.
  6. All you need is a large bowl, knife and a tbsp measuring spoon. Don’t measure the things not worth measuring……… and you probably shouldn’t listen to this advice….

This recipe makes a lot. Descriptive. But it fills 1.5 large tupperware containers. Apparently this is made to be enjoyed with a fork, but a much better transportation of this salad from the container to your mouth is with tortilla chips. The first time, I made it for myself and it lasted me about a week. The second time I made it, it was for 2 different potlucks and lasted until the end of those. Money-wise, it cost me about 10 dollars to purchase the ingredients with the exception of EVOO, spices and garlic, which I already had.

If you’re not convinced by now that you should make this and brag about it to everyone (or if you didn’t read a word of the post above but want pictures), here’s a picture of the Once Upon a Chef’s results, and then a picture of my results:

Black bean salad 1

Photo: If there were a visual representation of heaven, I believe it would be this.

Welp, that wraps up post #2.

Poop Dolla.

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3 comments on “I’m probably single because I’ll never love a man as much as I love food.”

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