Wrap it up

I have to be honest, I haven’t been home enough lately to bother doing any legitimate meal prep (yes, I know, excuses are like armpits and they stink). For this post, we are going to take a little trip in my hypothetical time machine to a nicer, warmer, more kitchen-filled time. Speaking of le kitchen, I drank old fashions and scrubbed the hail out of it yesterday and now it sparkles, kind of.

Today, I shall reminisce over a time I made succulent lettuce wraps. When I think of lettuce wraps, I immediately think of spending way too much money at PF Chang’s China Bistro. In PF Changs’ defense, the food is delectable, says I with a pinky out and faux British accent. People with faux British accents eat there, clearly. However, I’ve never understood what China Bistro is. Does PF Chang’s, a national chain, know that calling itself “China Bistro” is a giant, raging oxymoron? Isn’t Bistro usually a French term referencing French food? Mr. PF Chang, calm down. You’re none of the above. I even looked up the definition of Bistro and it said “small restaurant”. Yeah, PF Chang’s, so small, so exotic.


</end worthless rant>

Moving right along… cool things about lettuce wraps:

  1. Cheap.
  2. Messy, see hints below.
  3. They turn out badass no matter what you put in them. You can basically take whatever vegetables you have in your fridge and cut them up and add them to your wraps.
  4. Easy to make & quite healthy.
  5. Quick meal… and it’s cheap.

Lettuce Wrap Hint: Buy Napkins. Lots of them. I assure you, you will need all of them.

I found this recipe on the internet a while back and used it as a basic guideline to making muh wraps. If you’re too lazy to click that link, I will copy and paste the ingredients/directions:

8 oz. water chestnuts
1 c. sliced mushrooms
5 green onions
6 (or more!) baby carrots (can grate these instead of chop)
Chop all of these really small (or the Pampered Chef food chopper works well)

Cook 1 pound ground lean turkey or chicken (I used ground turkey) in 1 T. olive oil or cooking spray. Cook until just a little pink left in meat, then add veggies. Cook until meat is done.
Add sauce and cook just a minute longer.

Serve in iceberg, romaine, or butter lettuce leaves

3 T. soy sauce or liquid aminos
2 T. sugar
3 cloves crushed garlic
1 1/2 t. rice vinegar or red wine vinegar

Holla back, cheap beers.

Funny enough, I think I followed this recipe pretty much verbatim minus the measuring nonsense. Larger portions of mushrooms, carrots, scallions and water chestnuts made their debut in my version of this edible fare. Also, I went with a head of iceberg lettuce because it’s cheap and it was the first non-human head I saw in the vegetable aisle.

I didn’t bother to make the sauce though. Call me lazy, but I bought a jar of peanut sauce because A. I don’t have enough excuses to use peanut sauce and B. I’m lazy. The most difficult thing about this meal is knowing when to stop eating. Too good. Too tasty. Now all this talk about it, I declare I shall make them next week!

Lettuce Wrap Hint: Probably don’t make these for a first date, or for someone you’re not 100% comfortable looking like a slob around. There’s no dainty way of eating them. And if you do make them for a first date, I commend you. You are what I aim to be; a shining star in the galaxy of DGAF.

The portion makes approximately 12 wraps? That’s a total shot in the dark. Depends on how big the lettuce shell is and how much of the mix you use for each wrap. Oh speaking of the lettuce, my advice for getting good sized lettuce wrap shells (for lack of a better word) is cut the nubby end off the lettuce, and peel the layers as best you can. That’s probably the least helpful/descriptive advice I’ve ever given, so just do what works best for you. Cool. Good talk.

Any questions? Refer to this mildly annoying 60 second how to:

Lettuce all enjoy these wraps now, shall we?

So, I started this blog always ending with a stupid something poop-related. No idea why (yes I do, poop is hilarious) but I must continue this terrible trend and today, I will with a .gif that’s grocery store, food AND poop related [TRIPLE WHAMMY]:

poop2Sorry, but only kind of.

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