hard liquor and food prep; a memoir of a broke twenty something.

It’s not often after biting into something I’ve [somewhat] created, that I immediately feel the need to run to the closest mirror mid-bite, check myself out and say, “Damn gurl, you hot.” But with the recipe I fixed up and will rave about today, I felt compelled to do just that. I may have actually done it but my memory is a bit hazy; like my title hints, I was definitely drinking through the process of preparing this greek salad type dealio.

Classy drinking though.


 Brandy Old Fashioned(s). Because I’m actually 93. And 93 year olds are really super classy.

That’s one single ice cube. Bein’ large and in charge.

They say write drunk, edit sober. Maybe it’s the same with cooking/experimenting with recipes. I mean, probably not considering the increased probability of a trip to the hospital for stitches or catching stuff on fire, and/or burnt nachos.

Despite the fairly depressing temperatures and equally as depressing damp, cold, cloud coverage the city has been dealing with the last few days/weeks, I’ve decided it shall be spring in my kitchen and spring in my mouth.

As I was explaining—AKA bragging about—this “greek salad-thing” I made to my friend, he asked me what differentiates a salad from a salad-thing. First of all, I’m terrible at explaining things or giving them proper names. In my eyes, all items at hardware stores are called “thingers” and/or “the one that does that thing with the stuff.” Second of all, it doesn’t have lettuce, so it’s not a salad. It doesn’t have pasta, so it’s not a pasta salad. It does have chickpeas/garbanzo beans (JUST PICK ONE IDENTITY, DAMNIT!), so I guess that would make it a bean salad? That makes it sound like a recipe for farts, which it is not—I don’t think?, unless you are going to the bathroom simply to make room for more of this greek salad stuff.


I’ve actually made this recipe multiple times. I had originally found it through Pinterest (CLICK HERE) and made it basically how it’s described on the site with extra gusto and excitement. I was terribly disappointed to find it lacked flavor and I lacked desire to eat it. However, I didn’t give up on it, as I knew it had potential, just like the [hypothetical] runt of a litter of puppies trying to find a home. That comparison may have been a stretch.


  • 2 cans garbanzo beans (chickpeas) drained and rinsed
  • 1 cucumber chopped
  • 1 pint cherry tomatoes chopped
  • 1/2 lemon for juice
  • tbsp olive oil
  • salt/pepper to taste
  • 1 4oz container feta cheese
  • 2 oz fresh basil chopped
  • 1 bunch of green onions/scallions chopped


List of Awesome Things About this Recipe

  1. It’s vegetarian, gluten free, healthy and filling. It could very easily be vegan as well, if that’s your cup-o-tea.
  2. To make it even sassier, you could get wild and add kalamata olives. Olive oil is fantastic, olive is a great color, but I dislike olive the edible olives, so you’ll find none of those in my rendition of this dance we call eating.
  3. It’s great for pot lucks or family meals or all around trying to impress people (see #5). It makes a largish portion and it fits the potluck requirements for a ‘salad’.
  4. It’s really super duper easy to make. Just open a couple cans, cut a couple things, pour a little stuff, mix it together and toss it in the fridge! Or eat it all immediately, just because you can.
  5. It’s a fabulous conversation piece: *walk up to attractive human you have a crush on* “Hey attractive human, I just made this super awesome salad type dealio and wanted to impress you with it. Do you think this requires a spoon or fork as the vessel of transporting the food from Point A to Point B? Here, try it and decide. Oh you’re in love with me now and want to take me on a million dates? Perfect.”
  6. It’s colorful and pretty and cheap. Yeah, cool.

IMG_4905To wrap up this post, I once again, have shit to talk about. Literally.

Okay, 2 things today. First of all, if you go to THIS FACEBOOK PAGE and like it, you are entering a sweepstakes to win a Porta Potty Rental, because how funny would that be if you won? Let that sink in, it’s real. I’ve already entered, now it’s your turn.

Second of all, it’s incredibly important that you take the “How Experienced in Pooping Are You?” quiz from Buzzfeed. This has been a solid part (HA.) of my conversations this week, so take it and let me know how progressive you are at pooping. Warning, this quiz will make you laugh, and make you question your poo skillz.


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