My 5 Favorite Issues with Ketosis

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After the success of my first keto-related post (read about it here), I’ve returned for an encore. This one? Much more serious.

Adhering to a strict way of eating, regardless of what type, can be frustrating. I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve considered giving up, buying myself a cake and eating the entire thing in one sitting.

ketocake

It usually happens when I walk through the bakery of a grocery store, or when I’m at a restaurant and there’s mention of dessert, or really anytime I hear a word that starts with a ‘C’ because it’s hopefully cake.

So far, I can confidently report that I haven’t caved for the cake… yet.

The past 7 months were spent focused on refining my willpower against refined foods. While you’d think it’d strengthen by the number of reluctant conceding comments made regarding your decline of carbs like, “Wow, your self control is… admirable,” it’s not. It’s the ability to say no in the first place and mean it. As a people pleaser, I’m not very good at saying no.

bichole
You rang?

The only exception to this rule is when my dog is being an asshole (97.2% of her existence.) A few years ago, I was frying an over easy egg and broke the yolk mid-flip. An absolute eggbomination. I dramatically screamed, “Noooooo,” as if I were the yolk cameoing as the Wicked Witch of the West, melting and frying and not doing much to stop it other than scream more. Between my gasps for air, this doofus ran over to me because she quite honestly thought her name was “No.” This picture is the very one I took amidst my distress that day. If you want to see more pictures of this flooferooni in action, follow her on Instagram here.

Disclaimer: She’s a real bitch.

While Lilers is far from the caliber of any trained emotional support doggo, she taught me how to say no and mean it. Ugh, now I have to thank her for making this way of eating so successful. I refuse.

In December 2016, I discussed the risks associated with a Ketogenic Diet with a few friends. One put the bug in my ear that I would cause irreparable damage to my kidneys and liver. JOKES ON YOU, KIDNEYS AND LIVER! You’re in trouble no matter what diet I’m on! HA!

I confess, my keto lifestyle has brought a few ongoing issues into the spotlight and it’d be unfair of me not to share my experience with my readers. Because I care about each and every one of you reading this, here are 5 Keto problems you must come to accept when saying yes to this way of eating:

You may not use your sick days.

  • I’m someone who has always been plagued with quarterly strep throats, ear infections, allergies and general malaise. Since going keto in January, I’ve been sick 0 days. I’ve thrown up 0 times. I’ve taken 0 cold medicines. I feel like a super human when those office bugs roll around because you can bet I’ll feel fantastic amongst the sea of sniffles.
  • Just so you know, cancer cells LOVE glucose and thrive on it. Those cake lovin’ monsters. I haven’t done enough reading to give much information about the immune system benefits from ketones, but if you’re interested, click here for a read.

Your clothing may not fit anymore.

  • But like, in the good way. Scratch that, it’s annoying when clothes are too big and when they’re too small. If I had to choose, I’d pick too big. I donated some of my old pants recently because when I’d wear them, I perpetually looked like I shit myself. It was an issue. An expensive one. Thank the sweet, dusty thrift gods for their existence. Become the boss dog of your local thrift store by clicking here following these 10 steps.

You may or may not find it troublesome to spice things up in the bedroom.

  • On one hand, your significant other may not be able to keep off of you, on the other hand…
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Self explanatory.

You may begin craving vegetables.

  • This may be a hard one to accept the reality of. When’s the last time you said, “Broccoli? Mmmmmmm, YUMMO!” I did today when I ate dinner. Asparagus, green peppers and mushrooms, oh my! I love them and I crave them.

You may become a cheap date at the bar.

  • I’ve learned the hard way that 27 year old Christine doesn’t have the tolerance 22 year old Christine had. To add insult to hangover, my liver is working on overdrive busting out them ketones, and by the time it sees some alcohol, it’s pissed! In turn, I become pissed as well. (Pretend I was British for this paragraph.)

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Image Source

“STRAIGHT TO THE BLOODSTREAM FOR YOU!”

– my liver, to alcohol on Friday nights, probably

 

There are more keto-related posts to come in the near future. What non-expert advice would you like on the subject?

 

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2 comments on “My 5 Favorite Issues with Ketosis”

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